Boundaries, exhaustion, friend, Friendship, god, Grace, Guilt, healing, hurts, knowledge of him, Love, No, peace, Protect, protection, Psalm 139, Psychology, pyschiatry, relationships, rest, security, self, social, space, trauma, walls
Today I have been thinking about what is the difference between a boundary and a wall with regards to myself and people.
Funnily enough, I am watching the men’s tennis final at Wimbledon and the boundary lines that mark where the game is to be played. If the white lines were to be replaced with little walls, the game would be impossible to play.
So a boundary line allows flexibilty and movement, whereas a wall is solid and impenetrable , very confining and does not move.
With regards to my own boundaries, they are always moving and changing. If I am tired or feeling low I keep myself distant and give myself a lot of space. If I am feeling well, then I am able to change those boundaries and there is more interaction and flexability with my social relationships and life.
What happens when our boundaries are ignored or not accepted. I can only speak for myself, but I find people can sometimes feel hurt and angry because they are so used to me not having had those boundaries in place. It can be very hard, but I have had to persist and be firm.
We all have boundaries where we feel comfortable. I am a person who likes and NEEDS a lot of space. If I dont get it then I suffer. I become exhausted which then leads to irritation and upsets. I used to feel guilty when I didnt answer the phone or a text when I was tired, that I had to be there for everyone. But if I didnt put those boundaries of NO into place, I was the one who suffered with mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. I had to learn to be tough on myself and not give into feeling guilt or feeling sorry for others.
These days I know myself and when to adjust those boundaries.
What about walls we erect. Can they really be good for us? Well a subject I suppose no one really knows the answer to.
My own walls came from hurts and fears and were erected to protect myself. I never knew how to say no, people could and did walk all over me. I could’t stand up for myself and there was a tremendous amount of trauma within that needed protecting until it was healed. That healing is still in process.
I did have therapy and help, but to be honest I needed a lot more than that. God found me in a most pitiful state so many years ago. I was so fragile and vulnerable that those walls actually did protect me until I felt safe and secure enough to climb over them.
God in his love and mercy began a beautiful work within me which has taken many years. I am not really sure if I have walls up anymore, although I still do have a tendency to keep people at arms length except for those who know me. This may never change.
So sometimes a wall can be helpful, but it is only by grace than we can receive healing to grow and move out of those confinements. I believe that I am becoming the person I was always meant to be. My favourite psalm is 139. Please check it out if you havent read it.
God is so personal and close, and that is the relationship that I have been needing and looking for all of my life. In him I have life. He is my healer, helper, but most of all…my friend.